In the Information Era, mankind uses smartwatches, smartphones, smarthouse building. We began to do things smarter. Recently, a British company made a real leap into the future and has launched the most innovative product — a smart condom. This is not a joke, you can now order a Smart Condom on the Internet! Read below, how it differs from conventional condoms.
What is iCondom?
OK. Getting some men to wear condoms is hard enough…so to speak. Now British Condoms is trying to get you to wear a wearable on your wearable. Its i.Con Smart Condom is a ring that fits over your condom and tracks the activity of you know what. The website says that the device is not yet available that they «are in the final stages of testing i.Con» (whatever testing entails) and «aiming for general public release in 2017.»
The i.Con is «a ring that will sit over a condom at the base, which you can use over and over again. It is extremely comfortable, water resistant and lightweight.» (It better be water-resistant or even bleach resistant because you may want clean it over and over again.) It is also «wearable» technology, which can connect to an app on your smartphone, using what the web site describes as a Nano-chip and sensors. This wearable doesn’t track the number of steps you take unless you are walking in a really weird way. Instead, the web site explains that for £59.99 the i.Con will be able to record:
- Calories burnt during sexual intercourse: On average, 100 calories per session, according to a University of Montreal study.
- Total number of thrusts: Is this like the number of steps? Is there a daily limit that you want to achieve?
- Frequency of sessions: Do you really need a wearable to tell you that you just had sex? Was that sex or just a firm handshake? And if you really need a wearable to count the number of times you are having sex, then you are probably having enough sex.
- Total duration of sessions: Or maybe you can use what’s called a clock.
- Girth measurement: Big data?
- Speed of thrusts and average velocity of thrusts: Sex is not pitching in baseball. Faster is not necessarily better.
- Different positions used (currently BETA testing–will have more info in a release coming soon): How exactly will this be measured?
- Average skin temperature: Not sure what this information tells you. Although if it drops below 32 degrees Fahrenheit or above 200 degrees, you probably need medical attention.
The website says that «all data will be kept anonymous but users will have the option to share their recent data with friends, or, indeed, the world.» Really, is this data that you want your friends to share with you? Do you want your buddy to send you the following text: «Hey, here’s the score of the Ravens versus Steelers game, the directions to the party, and, by the way, here is some more information…»?
The website adds that «You will be able to anonymously access stats that you can compare with i.Con users worldwide.» Because that’s all you need, another way to feel like you don’t measure up to people whom you don’t know. Such anonymous stats will also heavily depend on how many people are actually using the device and whether the measurements are accurate. Someone putting the device on a dog’s nose may generate some interesting but also misleading data. Moreover, the website does not indicate how the device has and will be scientifically tested, making you wonder about whether the device can provide reliable and trustworthy information. Again, don’t use such a device to replace real medical testing for STIs. Finally, should you even care about such data? The only data that actually matters (unless you are dating Siri) are the thoughts and feelings of the person whom you are with…and a wearable can’t measure such things…yet.